this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
