At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
