Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
