get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
