News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
