The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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