I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
