I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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