What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
BRING THE BAGELS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
