Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
