Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
