I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
