yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
