i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
