So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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