You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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