I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
