I'm gonna have a badass scar
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize