we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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