I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
