I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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