Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
