did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
