I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
