Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
