Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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