...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
