people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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