i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
