i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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