end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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