They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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