I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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