if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
