Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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