Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
