i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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