I'm really into asian looking animals
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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