4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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