apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
