You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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