And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
