Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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