apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
