I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
