I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everyone says I win the strip club
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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