I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
