Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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