I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
