CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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