that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
