This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
