she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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