So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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