We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
