I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
