watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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