We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
