Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
