Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
