i was born a porn star she said
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love having hate sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
