I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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