State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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