Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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