Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just google imaged poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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