pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
