That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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