i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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