I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
