I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
