I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I did not marry a roomba.
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