I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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