So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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