i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
