Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
