it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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