I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
