He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
