She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
