hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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