so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
