i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
