they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Two words: nipple clamps
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