your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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