I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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