mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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