i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
