My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
